


Once the water starts to rise, and heaven's out of sight

by mx_vertiginous



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Beelzebub is a disaster gay, Casual Sex, Choose Your Own Genitals, F/F, F/F is just a suggestion, Fuckbuddies, Gratuitous KLF, Multi, porn with just a little plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 10:58:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mx_vertiginous/pseuds/mx_vertiginous
Summary: Drunk sappy Beelzebub and gossipy wine-aunt Archangel Michael.





	Once the water starts to rise, and heaven's out of sight

**Author's Note:**

> Reader, please insert your preferred combination of holes/bio-dick/strap-on into the following conversation; imagine lube if necessary. They’re good with whatever you’d prefer, and it's written purposefully vague.

The sky was turning pink with the earliest light of morning, when an angel and a demon staggered down the street. Arm in arm, they sang at the top of their lungs “Doctor WHOOOO-OOOO, Doctor Who, Doctor WHOOOO-OOO, Doctor Who…”

The archangel Michael leaned against a light post, “Hang on, I gotta magic some of this vodka out of my system or I’m gonna puke…. OK… yeah, better now.”

As they mounted the stairs to the apartment, Michael stopped again. “This, person, demon… whatever that you’re dating now. You’re sure they’re alright with this?”

“Dagon? Oh yeah, shezzz good. I mean, if she wasn’t I could… put it in her head, you know, that she’s OK with it. But I think legit, she’s fine.” Beelzebub struggles with their key in the lock.

Suddenly, from the inside the deadbolt flipped with a clunk and the door opened.

“You lot just now coming home?” Dagon said mildly, “I was just off to work.”

Beelzebub stank of stale cigarettes and vodka when zie planted a huge kiss on her face. “Honey, work? No… don’t go to work. Stay with us. Michaelzzz a hell of a lot more fun than that asshole Hastur.”

Michael pulled themselves up to the best approximation of sober they could muster. “Dagon, nice to meet you. Archangel Micheal, I’ve heard so much about you!”

At best Dagon’s face betrayed gentle bemusement. “Nice to meet you. But yeah, I’d better go… I’d rather face Hastur than be here when you both wake up with hangovers.” And like it was nothing, she planted an affectionate kiss on Beelzebub’s cheek and disappeared down the hallway.

When the door slammed, Beelzebub leaned zir back against the door and like a dope, reached zir hand dreamily up against zir cheek.

Michael had to choke back laughter, “Oh man… you’ve got it bad.”

“Shut up, asshole, how long has it been since you’ve dated anyone. “ Beelzebub pushed away from the door and lurched towards the kitchen, rifling through the cabinets until zie came up with a couple of lime-spotted goblets and a bottle of Stag’s Leap. “Hair of the dog?”

Micheal nodded, “Isn’t it only hair of the dog once you’re hung over?”

“If we zzztay up all day and keep drinking the dog can’t even catch us!” Beezebub cackled and passed a glass full of bloodred wine. “And yeah, she’s amazing. I swear to Satan, Michael she’s the best thing that has happened to me in agezzz… centuries. You don’t even know, she’s soooo perfect.”

“You’re in LOVE.” Michael squealed excitedly.

“Am not. Don’t get to be in love, I’m a demon, I’m the prince of fucking HELL.” Zie tried to take off zir jacket it hang it up, but got tangled up in zir sash and just stood there for a while in the middle of the room wrestling drunkenly with zir own clothes.

Michael’s clothes were simpler, and they wriggled out of them with little trouble. “Doesn’t matter if Hell says you don’t get to be in love, you’re in love. I can tell. I’m an angel.” They took a healthy swig off their glass, and their voice dropped to a purr “Would I lie to you?”

“Yezzz, you lie to me all the fucking time, bastard,” Beelzebub threw back, finally zie had gotten out of zir jacket and pants, and was left in just a crooked tuxedo shirt and ridiculous mesh socks. Zie squinted at Michael who was curled up naked in the corner of the couch, “we doing the usual?”

Michael nodded enthusiastically. “Out here? Or you want to go in the bedroom?”

Beelzebub glanced down the hall, it was filled with old boxes and a pile of worn shoes meant for the charity shop months ago. “Uh, the couch is good.”

Michael deftly arranged themselves on all fours, collapsing their chest against the arm of the couch in sheer, unadulterated laziness. Their wineglass had been conveniently placed within reach on the end table. Beezebub crawled up behind them, tangled zir grimy fingers into their tidy chignon, and paused for a second.

“Michael, I know it’s been since forever we’ve been doing this, but I really never get tired of fucking an angel.”

Michael glanced over their shoulder coyly, “Well then come on with it, demon.”

Beelzebub gave an indulgent chuckle and plunged into them with a moan. “Mmmm… fuck yes.”

Michael squealed like a pig, it was disconcerting the first twenty or so times you heard it, but after a while Beelzebub had gotten used to it. As they found a good rhythm together Beezebub found zir mind wandering. “D’you really think I’m in love with her?”

“Heavens, are you going to spend the whole time we’re fucking talking about your new girlfriend?”

Beezebub pulled all the way out, just so zir dick tantalizingly teased against Michael’s ass, “So what if I am?”

“Mmmmmm…” Michael gave a pained groan and wiggled their hips closer. “Come on, don’t be like this, fuck me already!”

Beelzebub gave a hard yank on their hair “Do I get to talk about my _**girlfriend?**_”

Michael whined again “Fine, yes, just fuck me already, you asshole! I don’t care if you talk about Sandalphon while you do it.”

“Ew, Michael, that’s just gross. Please do not.” Beelzebub released their hair and pulled all the way away.

The angel turned back apologetically “Sorry, Bee, that was out of line. You can talk about Dagon all you want, I’ll shut up.” They took another swig of wine and leaned back down on the couch, giving a tempting butt wiggle.

“You zhould have been a demon,” Beelzebub mused before wrapping zir fingers back into their hair and fucking them again. No words though this time, the apartment echoed with grunts and moans until the had both collapsed, finished on the couch.

Michael leapt for a towel to clean them both up up, and Beezebub pondered for a moment if they knew exactly how much demon cum was actually crusted into the upholstery. They probably didn’t want to know or else they’d insist on one of those immaculately white hotel rooms, where the maids disposed of all gory evidence. No fun, that.

“You’re really hung up over her?” Michael had the wrong idea about what thoughts zie was lost in, but whatever….

“Yeah kinda. Don’t let her hear you call her my girlfriend though. Or call them her. She wouldn’t like that.” Beelzebub topped off both their wine glasses.

“That’s what you call her.”

Beezebub winced, “When I’m drunk, sure. But I shouldn’t. They don’t like people who don’t know them very well to call them ‘her.’ She’d probably slam you up against a wall.”

Michael took another sip. “Sounds hot, honestly.”

Beezebub dissolved into giggles in reply. And then zie sat silent for an uncomfortably long stretch of time. “If you wanted to…”


End file.
